official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
