i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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