My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
