I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
3 2 1 whiskey
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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