this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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