Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
