I didn't shave. On purpose
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
