I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
