You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
