Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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