she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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