so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
