Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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