the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
