apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
And the cops told us we were all naked.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
