who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
