His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
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