I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
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Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
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I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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