i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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