hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
