I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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