If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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