He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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