Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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