She tied me up with her honor cords...
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
