you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
