i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
