I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
You made out with two different species that night
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Randomize
