I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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