I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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