I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
