Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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