There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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