I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
