My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I showed him my bush... on skype.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
