I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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