Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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