question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
