New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
