I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
