even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
