Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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