she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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