plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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