ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
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and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
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It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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