Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
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i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
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And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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