There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize
