I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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