I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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