Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
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