i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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