You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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