wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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