When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
