remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I will pee on everything he values.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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