Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
