Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
We're too hungover to prance.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
