I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
