I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
