I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
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I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
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You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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