im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize